Devil Juice

So every year this poor little rich boy throws this GINORMOUS party in his warehouse on the Chicago River for Devil’s Night (aka the Saturday before Halloween.) A friend of mine manages the bars (there were 7 this year) and I get to make sure my tending skills don’t completely dry up and blow away.

This year I worked in “the Lounge” – aka the Club Room aka the Sex/ Ecstasy Room, so named by me because of the amount of people rolling on E and/or with each other in that room. This year, a better name for it would have been the Tequila Striptease Room. Around 3 a.m., I helped (I Dream of) Jeannie slice away the filmy fabric that comprised 98% of the bottom 50% of her costume with my wine opener so that she could get back to the very serious business of hula-hooping. I’ve never seen such a skilled hula-hooper. This moment sponsored by tequila.

Immediately after that, a real yuppie-looking guy walked up in nothing but button-down shirt and boring tie, one hand balancing his cell phone/wallet/ keys and the other clasped in the fingers of Slutty Jailbait Rainbow Bright (who was actually rather sweet, but I’m attempting to paint a picture, here.) They ordered 2 beers and 2 shots of Patron. This moment sponsored by tequila.

I wore a rather simple costume, because we get very busy and messy and you try bartending out of scaffolding and coolers for a roomful of 300 thirsty, intoxicated and overexcited dancers to a deep bass pulse and see how far you get within the confines of most costumes. Therefore, I went as a literal interpretation of Resident Evil (the party theme) in a lab coat with the ID badge I.M. Evil, M.D. This concrete costume really bothered the kid for some reason – he felt I should have named myself Delores Evil or somesuch.

Also, I met a bunch of fun guys and one of them is supposed to take me out this week, so we’ll see. (Bonus: He is NOT a musician.)

I wish I could show you pics, but I never bring a camera since it would be completely sodden by the end of the party (like every other thing I bring there).

All in all, it's a hellatiously good party and I get paid to be there...