Monday, October 29, 2007

Devil Juice

So every year this poor little rich boy throws this GINORMOUS party in his warehouse on the Chicago River for Devil’s Night (aka the Saturday before Halloween.) A friend of mine manages the bars (there were 7 this year) and I get to make sure my tending skills don’t completely dry up and blow away.

This year I worked in “the Lounge” – aka the Club Room aka the Sex/ Ecstasy Room, so named by me because of the amount of people rolling on E and/or with each other in that room. This year, a better name for it would have been the Tequila Striptease Room. Around 3 a.m., I helped (I Dream of) Jeannie slice away the filmy fabric that comprised 98% of the bottom 50% of her costume with my wine opener so that she could get back to the very serious business of hula-hooping. I’ve never seen such a skilled hula-hooper. This moment sponsored by tequila.

Immediately after that, a real yuppie-looking guy walked up in nothing but button-down shirt and boring tie, one hand balancing his cell phone/wallet/ keys and the other clasped in the fingers of Slutty Jailbait Rainbow Bright (who was actually rather sweet, but I’m attempting to paint a picture, here.) They ordered 2 beers and 2 shots of Patron. This moment sponsored by tequila.

I wore a rather simple costume, because we get very busy and messy and you try bartending out of scaffolding and coolers for a roomful of 300 thirsty, intoxicated and overexcited dancers to a deep bass pulse and see how far you get within the confines of most costumes. Therefore, I went as a literal interpretation of Resident Evil (the party theme) in a lab coat with the ID badge I.M. Evil, M.D. This concrete costume really bothered the kid for some reason – he felt I should have named myself Delores Evil or somesuch.

Also, I met a bunch of fun guys and one of them is supposed to take me out this week, so we’ll see. (Bonus: He is NOT a musician.)

I wish I could show you pics, but I never bring a camera since it would be completely sodden by the end of the party (like every other thing I bring there).

All in all, it's a hellatiously good party and I get paid to be there...


Pelmo said...

This is what happens when you consume to many of those burritos.

La Sirena said...

OK, everyone, you've been advised...

Burritos = Pantslessness

This PSA brought to you by Pelmo.

Woodlandmama said...

Maybe he was worried that people would confuse you with Iain Marley. (That moment was brought to you buy petocin-induced labor and inadequate pain meds).

La Sirena said...

OK, everyone you've been advised...

Bringing a child into this world = Inconceivable (bad pun) Pain

This PSA brought to you by Woodland Mama

(Although as O'Casey said in Juno and the Paycock:

What is the pain I had bringing him into this world, compared to pain I have bringing him out?

Woodlandmama said...

I meant more his middle name (which he hates), the convo went something like this:
Bio-father: Hey Woodlandmama!
Me:[in middle of final stage contraction] Uggggh?
B-F: We haven't picked a middle name.
Me: UGH!
B-F: Can we have his middle name be Marley after Bob Marley?
Me: I don't give a damn what the fuck his middle name is ass-head!
B-F: Yesssss!