Weird Dream

I was on a trip somewhere west of where I live. I had been selected to play in a semifinalist round of competitive chicken fighting in the river. My partner was some Aryan Nation looking chick and I sincerely hoped I was as good at chicken fights as everyone else seemed to think.

We were floating out to an island of boulders in the center of the river – I was standing on a purple inflatable raft. I looked down and noticed A GIANT 30 FOOT LONG ANACONDA slip right beneath my raft. I could feel his back bone slide against the arch of my foot. I looked towards the island where the competition was supposed to occur – there were about one hundred giant anacondas between the boulder-chicken-contest-island and us.

I yelled out to my teammate. Evidently, she was amazingly oblivious to the infestation of giant anacondas – I tried to get her back to shore without telling her why – as if once I pointed them out they would magically begin to notice us or something – but she vehemently and vocally refused to withdraw from this stupid competition because of the Olympics or something. Then she was ragging on me for wearing a purple bathing suit instead of an American flag. Meanwhile, the snakes were multiplying and getting aggressive and nipping at my ankles.

American Flag Aryan Nation Olympic Bitch finally noticed the snakes as one popped her raft with its fangs and I had to grab her – haul her onto my raft – which was now about a foot below the river’s surface because of both of our weight. I was trying to paddle us back to shore before the giant snakes could eat us, but this was difficult because she had the screaming mimis.

We were almost at the shore, but now it was all covered with boulders and the two most monstrous and largest of all of the super snakes were guarding our only way up to the shore and safety. I had to threaten Miss Screaming Aryan USA to shut up (actually I bitch-slapped her, but it worked. ) Then I did some fancy flip over the Super Anacondas and onto a rock ledge. I helped the Super Blonde up and walked back to town.

The rocks hurt my bare feet.