Thursday, November 09, 2006

Don’t I look like your next ex-wife?

Per their prenuptial agreement, K-Fed is going to get $30K each month from Britney post-divorce – just for being K-Fed. Not to sound too arrogant or anything, but I think I’m a much better example of humanity than K-Fed. Here are some reasons ridiculously rich people might like to consider me for the role of their next ex-wife.

  • I’ve never been married before. It’s like getting a virgin, but better.
  • I clean up good and could make the right fella a tasteful piece of arm candy.
  • I’m a good kisser – dozens have testified.
  • I don’t like to shop. At all. Never ever.
  • Think of all of the honest tax breaks you’ll get as a result of all of the endowments, clinics and other charitable organizations I’ll create in your name.
  • If you insist on having children, I’m super fertile and I’ll be the one to gestate – saving you irreparable wear and tear on the body. Also I make excellent babies, if I do say so myself.
  • I’m loyal.
  • Me and mine would live ridiculously well on $30K/ month and I wouldn’t be forever dragging you to court for more.
  • I don’t really believe in marriage. I definitely do not believe in divorce
  • You’d have a hell of a lot of fun with me and you’d be loved like crazy.
  • I would never give up my voice for you.


Deek Deekster said...

thanks... i feel romantic...

Indigobusiness said...

Don't I look like ?

Michelle said...

Brilliant! The planets are aligning - first the Democrats take control of the House and Senate and now Britany dumps Kevin!

La Sirena said...

Deek -- That's refreshing! My typical literary mechanism is ironic.

Indigobusiness -- Freud is a Taurus and a merperson? And you look like him? I'm all aflutter.

Michelle -- True that. K-Fed is almost as yucky as fundamentalist anti-constitutionalists.