I'm an Idiot

"I been double-crossed now for the very last time and now I'm finally free,
I kissed goodbye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me."
Bob Dylan, Idiot Wind

No matter how many times I sing that lyric to myself, it NEVER is the very last time. I suppose that being alive in the world and being open to all that is amazing in humanity also means opening yourself to all of the puerile, manipulative double crosses inherent in human nature.

But it still totally sucks. Every single time. And while no betrayal is ever as painful and schocking as the first, I never seem to toughen up enough not to care anymore.

And I promise you I try.

The worst part is when you can't even really enjoy the few stolen days of sweetness because you KNOW its all some trite fairy tale spinning in your head and the smackdown is just around the bend. Except, I don't always know...only sometimes, when everything looks like splendid rainbow sherbert, but I can smell the rot. So either I have really sharp instincts, or I'm the victim of my self-fulfilling prophecies.

Whatever. Tonight I'll drink whiskey and tomorrow I'll be SO over myself.