Actually, it's weird mind meld and worry, worry, anxiety. But I'm lucky. I developed the following side effect to my MS medication:
progressive multifocal leukoencephalopathy (PML), an opportunistic viral infection of the brain that usually leads to death or severe disability
But I didn't die and I'm not severely disabled although I am a long way from myself still. And I've gained massive amounts of weight thanks to the treatment meds -- which are saving my brain but nobody's tried to pick me up lately; not even on the down low. I guess living and thinking but being chastely fat are way superior to death or permanent retardation... but it doesn't make me enjoy all of the fat fucking chastity and the b.s. from my bosses cuz my memory and efficiency are not up to par and losing my job means losing money and my health insurance. And I had to let my cat move in with a friend (who is one of the best pet owners in the city -- but I'm sad about my kitty being gone). Damn, I am irritable, crabby and whiny. Buh!
Also, I became a mom when I was 20 and unmarried. I don't know really how to be an adult without a kid at home to take care of and he's moving to New York tomorrow. And I can't even cry. I can't remember the last time I cried. I think it's when he & I got in an arguement at 11:30 p.m. on a corner in Manhattan last February when we were there visiting colleges.
But if I'm dumb, broke, fat and all alone, I'll probably actually attract my soul mate or whatever.
This image was created by Veronica Pearson & posted on her blog. The title of this post is a quote from a Lucinda Williams' song called "Joy".